Saturday, November 04, 2006

Irritated

Warning : u might wanna skip this post. It's emotional. And it involves weight issues yet again. And i feel like cursing a bit today. And i'm not gonna bother checking my grammar/spelling. Oh, and its a really long wordy post.

As a child my father tried to discipline me. He said "you can't eat your cake and still have your cake".

I hated that idiom. For instance, Why can't i eat a lot and be thin?

Call me a rebel, unreasonable, whatever, but i grew up wanting to do JUST that. In every way i can, in every situation, i try my best to make it a win win situation. Reduce my losses to as close as zero as possible.

I love eating, i dun understand how some girls can miss a meal or two or three-which is all meals in a day... I just won't diet!

I dieted when i was in form1, FORM 1 damnit, and i suspect that is why i didn't grow as tall as i could have. I know its impossible for me to grow anymore, but i really LOVE food. I can eat even when i'm full, buffets i can conquer.

I only stop eating when i've been bloated for about half an hour
or when eating more would cost me money...
or when i am supposed to leave food for my family members

In steamboat dinners on Chinese New Year, i'd still be eating when everyone's done and all families' maids are eating. If i'm eating with u, and u don't finish your food, i'd start eating it.

But more often than not, soceity's voice creeps into my head, u'd get FAT if u eat all that. And so i control myself.

That just means i don't overeat. But i eat my share, i eat my meals, skip none of them. I don't wanna sound like one of those Fitness First advertisements but, yeah, it has helped me a lot.

I can eat my meals, oh, my sweet sweet meals... fried chicken, my love;
rendeng, heaven on a plate AND
Soya bean that tastes like soya bean and not water. My soya bean actually HAS sugar in it.

Er... I still have fats in my tummy and my thighs still do have cellulite, but i look a lot better than i did 5 months ago, if i do say so myself.

To eat and not get fatTER, i exercise. I know walking the treadmill is like being a hamster in a wheel, running and running but getting no where.

When i am on the treadmill i'm a happy hamster in an airconditioned wheel, getting closer to my target weight.

Actually i don't wanna lose weight la. I wanna be like the Monash Cheer Club Captain 2005/2006. She's HOT but heavy. She's 54kg which is MY weight, about my height but she is sooooo much hotter than me.

So, i kinda wanna build musles and lose the fats, be like her. Hot but heavy. Curvy, not skinny.

Earlier on when i just started Fitness First, i lost 1.5kg. I was 52.5kg for a while... and now i'm back at 54. And seriuosly, i don't mind, i think i built muscles. I want Muscles: Calorie Busting Cells.

Muscles burn 30% more calories than fats do. Even when u sleep! And u know i love to sleep.

Well, i'm writing this post cuz i've got into some problems because i joined Fitness First. For one, my father is totally against it, i fork out the RM109 a month student priced fees from my own paycheck. So am living on a tight budget.

Two, i had some. Er. Really unpleasant conversations with GIRLfriends due to my shortlived weight loss. They were insecure when i inched a lil bit closer to their featherlight-under-51kg-weight.

Three. I spend a lot of time in the gym. Less time to studies, many study dates are cancelled. And today, i argued with E, one of the reasons is cuz i went to Fitness... thats why i am writing this post, to get my mind off things, cool down. So i can study later... maybe after a short nap...

Anyway weight issues are NOT nothing, its NOT just stupid girls going on and on about FAT. Isn't anorexia a problem? What about bulimia? How about depression and suicide?

So, soceity, why must u keep on insisting that thin is beautiful?

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

thin is not beautiful.. i guess people get confused.. cuz its easier 2 stick 2 a diet than 2 exercise.. Altho I disagree la.. Its easier 2 exercise.. I'm like u.. Live to eat? or Eat to live? hehe as long as u r happy wif urself it doesn't matter.. n plus studies show tat "fat" ppl r happier than skinny ppl.. lolz

She's Jess said...

In short, you are stubborn!

*High five Sue*

Cause I am one. Just like you. And my dad is like yr dad :p

Anyway, very obvious that you look good. No, you are HOT already what?

Why not you eat to live and exercise not to shed weights? Put it this way, you exercise to.. uhm.. have a healthier life? Think of this way la cause when you exercise so much and only think of losing weight, it will only prssures you. I don't know. this is what I think. psychology can effects us on what we are doing.

another thing, how i wish i have the determination and discipline like you to go for gym? i am fat. and i want to shape up like you too

Marcus@Home said...

Hye Sue, we share the same hobby, which is eating..lolx. It's normal here in Malaysia so don't feel shy to go and eat. Of course you have to do some exercise after that..so no worries and regrets..welcome to the food fiesta..lolx..

sakurablossom said...

I think it is important to exercise. Did you know that diabetis is becoming a big thing? This is when people don't exercise but keep eating and eating and worse they are passing to the kids now. So I think you should keep it up but for the sake of your health. This is not only diabetis but also heart too. So keep it up and gambate :).

valeriest ~ 琪 said...

sue lin, u saw me in the foyer right?

so what do u think of my appearance?

i still go on and live my life :) coz i believe im beautiful within :)

Jazzy*Pam said...

Tell me about it! I get annoyed when people think only thin is beautiful! I think that everyone could be beautiful despite their dress sizes! I'm not anywhere near thin at all and though I try 2 lose a lil weight every now and then, I know I don't do it for the wrong reasons. And honestly, i love my curves! :D

Well, I think that you're already hot! U're thin but NOT stick and shapeless thin! Also, eat all you want, we all love eating! :D Well, sure you could gain weight which is unhealthy if you eat too much, that's why exercise is good. You get to be fit and healthy, AND yet you get to eat right?? That's best of both worlds, isn't it? ;)

But perhaps, exercise doesn't mean you have to do it at Fitness First right? There are plenty of ways to exercise without having to fork out so much money. Perhaps, you could try some other alternatives?
Cheaper and perhaps, schedule-friendly alternatives? :)

Joey said...

Your frens (above) have already said all the nice and encouraging things I want to say.

So, I'm gonna ask a question instead. If u walk for miles, but u don't sweat...is tat still considered exercise? hmmm *ponders*

Hehehehe :D

typlotion said...

val is trying to tell u she's fatter and want u to be like her. same same gang lolx

sue lin said...

What the? 8 comments? I thought it was a shitty post?! *Reads it again*... eh... not bad! Haha. Must write more when i'm down... haha!

Charlotte, haha! I eat to live!! Its written on my sidebar, i think! Fat people who don't mind being fat are, of course happy, after eating i feel happy! Hahaha, ask Elwyn, he says i'm grumpy when i'm hungry... i never knew i was this way.


*High five Jess*! Haha! Yes, i AM stubborn!

Not hot yet... still got some distance to go. I am subborn! Haha, or maybe its Fitness First's mirrors in the ladies room, i can see ALL the cellulite in my thighs! =(

I think its fun to be at Fitness la (why am i promoting them?). Its the only time i watch tv... sometimes i spend an extra 30mins on d treadmill to finish watching my show! Hehe.

Come la, they have this RM25 for the first month for newtimers.


Marcus! Haha, yeah! Always coffee with milk and SUGAR for me!


Sakurablossom... diabetis is in my family... so i have a higher chance of i. But i would admit that is not on my mind when i exercise, maybe in the future it will be one of the reasons i exercise.

Dunno how la in Aussie next year, hopefully i can get to exercise... I should be walking a lot, no more baby Kancil...


Valeriest, great that u believe ur beautiful within! Need to learn to be like u =)

I saw ur Friendster profile, very nice lar ur pix!!! I wanted to look through ALL but the laptop hanged, i think... i added u there, have u accepted???


Cher, your curves are hot! =)

And yeaaaaa, thats a great phrase for exercise! Best of both worlds! =)

I used to go jogging in the park but a lil scary lar, cuz of all the recent cases. Plus it always has to rain... There was once i went there n just sat in the car and read a book cuz there was a thunderstorm n i'm a bit afraid to drive back! Haha.

Can exercise at home also la, but i'm too lazy to, do u??? Hehe. Besides, i love the Bodypump classes in Fitness First, stres-reliever, fun and i can even feel the sweat drip from my arms and legs! HAHAHAHA.


Joey, yup, of course walking without sweating is still exercise! Its just cuz u are in a cold climate ma... not meh?? Just the same, i can just sit here in Malaysia n sweat... i don't think thats exercise right? I wish la that is exercise! Hahaha


Eh, Typlotion, why u like that wan?! U la fatter than me!

Hahaha, lucky u are not a girl... =P

valeriest ~ 琪 said...

I've accepted u as a friend in friendster :)

anyway, typlotion was just jealous and trying to sabotage our relationship.

typlotion was even f*tter. Oopps i didnt say anthing


p/s: chelsea lost, typlotion

typlotion said...

even fatter? wait i come back i show you what is fat then :P

p/s: Chelsea's habit, chase from behind

Jazzy*Pam said...

Haha, I don't know what to say! Oh yeah, just say thanks right? Haha, thanks! :D (Not very good at receiving compliments)

Lol, yeah sometimes I'd hit the gym with my friend, but that's only like once in a blue moon because of hectic schedules and all. Also, we don't have membership so we pay per entry. Lol, I don't jog at park coz yeah, like you said, dangerous! So sometimes if I feel like exercising, I'd do it at home. Do all the crunches, jog up and down the stairs and dance madly to loud music etc! Haha, that's my exercise!

But joining Fitness First would be more motivating right? Coz we wouldn't want to waste the fees and all!

sue lin said...

Valeriest! Haha, ya la, that fella arrrrrrrrrrr!!!


Typlotion, u arrrrrrrrr! Haha


Cher, yup, thanks is the right word! =)

What are u doing currently ar? Work/study?? Sorry haven't been updated on ur life...

And its great 2 hear u go to the gym once in a while, if there was one that goes by per entry i might be like u, but i dont seem to find any like those nearby

Ur so hardworking 2 exercise at home! I only sit in front of the computer or sleep at home! Hahaha