Inside

Been really stressed on and off. I know the internship is not necessary but i can't rest whenever i imagine myself poor in the future. I can't let that happen. I can't, i can't!!

Its not like i've ever been dirt poor, but just imagining makes me scared till i can't breath. I have never said it out loud, but inside, i am jealous to the core whenever i hear two friends talking about going for hotel buffets with their boyfriends. My heart has turned into the deepest shade of green once too often.

E and i can never afford it, and neither of our parents are willing to spend that kind of money on a single meal, not even on a special occasion. E and i only went to Shangri-La when it was for free.

I do not wanna be 30 years old and say, what have i achieved? I'm only twenty and when i look back at my childhood, i see no achievements! I can't dance, i only have a stupid green belt in taekwando, i don't play the piano, i never finished more than 3 art classes. I was never an athelete...

Just Blogging this scares me. Thank god i somehow realized the importance of being active in extra-curricular activities when i was in form 3. Yeah, i hated them like shit. But i went.

I never got the post President, but i was given treasurer once, and secretary once.

I can never beat my Study Partner, but i am just a step or two behind her. My resume turned out ok. I guess. And i managed to hand it out to one of the accounting big four firms today (if u wanna know which, ask on msn). I am lucky to have her as a close friend, she helped me a lot. The angel CM too. SC too... and thanks M for looking after my stupid laptop while i photostate my academic transcripts! KM, thanls for forwarding me the mail, will apply for the other accounting big four soon.

I really must be above average when i grow up, i must!... i don't want to say no to charity volunteers who stalk me. I want to be able to give RM10 or maybe even a fifty.

I don't wanna be a fat auntie, i already a very flabby stomach n cellulite in my thighs as a twenty year old, how much fatter would i be after i give birth? And with the shitty schedule accountants get, i'm gonna need a very expensive gym membership. I have to be able to pay for it without feeling extra pressure that would add wrinkles to my face.

Oh yeah, and i possibly might need plastic surgery when i'm much older. And i wanna be able to afford it. I am only half kidding here.

I haven't started wanting cars and condos yet... but i'm sure i will one day